Friday, August 7, 2020

One thing

There’s a low-rumbling storm passing through. Flashes of light. Groans filling the sky. I’ve been sitting on my bedroom floor in the dark, trying to pray. But all I can manage to say is, “Lord . . .” Lord, like He knows what I’m trying to say even though I don’t. So, I sing Angel from Montgomery over and over again, the only words I have that come close to prayer, tears seeping, my voice cracking.


Just give me one thing, Lord, that I can hold on to.


I don’t know what to grab in this freefall, in this year from hell.


To believe in this living . . . Lord, this time it’s too hard, there’s too much piling on too fast. 


I am an old woman, alone in desperate times. I don’t know if this faith of mine is enough. One thing to hold on to.


  1. We are two old women, alone in desperate times.
    One thing to hold on to...

  2. I too listen to tedeschi angel from Montgomery often during these times, my husband died in 2019 9 months later my mom died, a week later covid hit. As of the past year I feel more connected to my mother as ever, a greater understanding and compassion for growing older alone as a woman. �� Named after my mother��

    We often don't fully understand until we're there ourselves. Hoping for something to hang onto as well, ps got here through your pm post

    1. What a lovely surprise--I never knew anyone from PM connected with my blog. I'm so sorry for your losses. You've got to wonder who you are now and how you ever got to this place. Sometimes there's nothing to do but hang on. My losses in the past few years have been overwhelming. To enumerate them is unnecessary. I keep returning over and over again to trusting that God has a plan that I can't see. Maybe I won't even understand it in this lifetime. I hope you hang on and that something wonderful happens that you never could have imagined. Peace . . .

  3. You hit the nail on the head, wondering who I am at this stage of life. I wish I had the passion to write as you do, I have so many experiences to share, but I find it hard to share.

    My mom was born the day WW2 started in Germany and she spent her first five years a refugee on the go, her mother and two young siblings. While trying to aid her in genealogical research I often wondered why so little was shared with she and her siblings, but I have an inkling now (of course no comparison) but trauma and pain are so difficult and all you want is to move forward.

    Although I'm not religious I truly connect with your introspective posts about life, and find meaning and purpose in nature.

    After 30 years of planting trees at home and creating a habitat haven, it's time for another life change and downsizing and moving, but that's what life is isn't it ever evolving and presenting new experiences.

    Keep posting they are words of wisdom. Thanks for putting it out there.