Written in pencil on a torn discarded envelope on my desk, I found the following quote: “Mature spirituality insists that we hold out for meaning instead of settling for mere answers.”
barely remember copying this quote and couldn’t remember where I found it. But
a quick search led me to Richard Rohr (no surprise!) as the source. (The entire
passage can be found at http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Richard-Rohr-s-Meditation--Your-Imaginarium.html?soid=1103098668616&aid=pnz6wUqJFp0.) Thank you, Richard Rohr.
it was that made me write this on a torn piece of envelope is a mystery. It
took a while to sink in. And gradually I have come to realize how profound, how
true this is, how relevant to my life in faith it is.
so long I struggled for answers. I believed in God, trusted God, wanted so much
more of God, but I kept asking Him questions—questions that I now realize can
never be answered while I’m here on earth in human form. You know the
questions: Exactly what is God? Does God allow everyone into heaven or just
those who profess faith in Jesus? Can you explain that Gordian knot that is
called the Trinity? If God is so good, then why does He allow suffering? On and
on they keep popping up like those plastic gophers in the Whack-A-Mole game.
me it has been a suspension of disbelief. Embracing as much of God as my feeble
brain will allow me to embrace, I have given up trying to understand on a
cognitive level. God surpasses all understanding. Instead of experiencing God
in my head, I experience God in my heart. It is here that I feel, that I know
He exists. It is purely grace, a gift from God. Why He gave it to me, I don’t
understand, for I feel that I don’t deserve it. Yet it has transformed my life.
like the Richard Rohr quote, I don’t look for answers any longer because I know
the questions and the answers are beyond my comprehension. I don’t need to know
why. I just need to keep coming back to Him again and again to guide my life.
Giving up the search for answers has created space for the meaning of my life
to become much deeper and richer. I continue to learn.