I barely remember copying this quote and couldn’t remember where I found it. But a quick search led me to Richard Rohr (no surprise!) as the source. (The entire passage can be found at http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Richard-Rohr-s-Meditation--Your-Imaginarium.html?soid=1103098668616&aid=pnz6wUqJFp0.) Thank you, Richard Rohr.
Whatever it was that made me write this on a torn piece of envelope is a mystery. It took a while to sink in. And gradually I have come to realize how profound, how true this is, how relevant to my life in faith it is.
For so long I struggled for answers. I believed in God, trusted God, wanted so much more of God, but I kept asking Him questions—questions that I now realize can never be answered while I’m here on earth in human form. You know the questions: Exactly what is God? Does God allow everyone into heaven or just those who profess faith in Jesus? Can you explain that Gordian knot that is called the Trinity? If God is so good, then why does He allow suffering? On and on they keep popping up like those plastic gophers in the Whack-A-Mole game.
For me it has been a suspension of disbelief. Embracing as much of God as my feeble brain will allow me to embrace, I have given up trying to understand on a cognitive level. God surpasses all understanding. Instead of experiencing God in my head, I experience God in my heart. It is here that I feel, that I know He exists. It is purely grace, a gift from God. Why He gave it to me, I don’t understand, for I feel that I don’t deserve it. Yet it has transformed my life.
So, like the Richard Rohr quote, I don’t look for answers any longer because I know the questions and the answers are beyond my comprehension. I don’t need to know why. I just need to keep coming back to Him again and again to guide my life. Giving up the search for answers has created space for the meaning of my life to become much deeper and richer. I continue to learn.
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