Underpants

Tonight I was talking to a friend who said he had worked alone all day in his office because his co-workers were away at a conference. I advised him to double check to make sure he hadn't left anything embarrassing in the reception area. Anything like perhaps underpants. His response? Silence. Where do these crazy thoughts come from? I'm sure he thinks the inside of my head is a dangerous neighborhood. It is dangerous, but I have justification this time.

You see, I’ve had issues with underpants before and I would be reassured to know that someone else could be as stupid as I was. Like that time in my office. I worked as a grant writer for a small non-profit organization. Everyone in the office was out of town for a conference and only I stayed behind at the office to hold down the fort. Because I was the only one there and I was in charge, I declared that there was no dress code for the days I was alone in the office. It's good to be queen.

But apparently I didn't handle power all that well. The night before I had been out late playing music. So I got up in the morning, threw on the same jeans that I had worn the night before, brushed my teeth, and headed out to the office. I unlocked the office door, turned on the lights in the reception area, went back to the kitchen to make coffee, then settled into my office in the back of the suite. After working for a couple of hours, I went up front to check on the mail and I saw something strange on the floor just inside the front door. On closer examination, I realized it was a pair of underpants. They looked familiar. They were mine.

Apparently they had been stuck inside my jeans and worked their way out my pants leg without my noticing. I shudder to think how humiliating it would have been if someone else had found my old lady underpants in full view on the office floor. I was humiliated enough just knowing about the incident myself. I called a staff meeting with myself and decided I needed to be put on probation.