In awe

If only I could bring you here, let you inhabit my body and mind, for just a few minutes, you would have absolutely no doubt about the existence of God. I so wish that you could experience what I experienced just this morning. God is so real, He hears my pleas, and when He answers instantly, with startling directness, I am in awe of His presence.

I sat down to pray, saying something like this: “Lord, please help me. I feel myself slipping into depression and I fear the oncoming darkness. I am so grateful for your presence. This life of contemplative prayer, of relative silence and solitude is so fulfilling. Yet, sometimes—like now—I feel that it is just one step away from isolation and depression. Please, Lord, help me. As I sit here, hoping for some direction from you, I pray that you guide me in your wisdom and show me how to grow in relationship with you and not sink into darkness.”

So I opened my little daily devotional for today and read the following, written by Jennifer Benson Schuldt:

He Understands

Some young children have trouble falling asleep at night. While there may be many reasons for this, my daughter explained one of them as I turned to leave her bedroom one evening. “I’m afraid of the dark,” she said. I tried to relieve her fear, but I left a nightlight on so she could be sure that her room was monster-free.

I didn’t think much more about my daughter’s fear until a few weeks later when my husband went on an overnight business trip. After I settled into bed, the dark seemed to press in around me. I heard a tiny noise and jumped up to investigate. It turned out to be nothing, but I finally understood my daughter’s fear when I experienced it myself.

Jesus understands our fears and problems because He lived on the earth as a human and endured the same types of trouble we face. “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain” (Isa. 53:3). When we describe our struggles to Him, He doesn’t brush us aside, minimize our feelings, or tell us to snap out of it—He relates to our distress. Somehow, knowing that He understands can dispel the loneliness that often accompanies suffering. In our darkest times, He is our light and our salvation.

Dear Jesus, I believe that You hear my prayers and that You understand my situation. You are the One who lights my darkness. 

 This was followed by today’s Bible reading: Psalm 27:1-8

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When evildoers assail me
    to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
    it is they who stumble and fall.

³ Though an army encamp against me,
    my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
    yet I will be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple.

⁵ For he will hide me in his shelter
    in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
    he will lift me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up
    above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
    sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
    be gracious to me and answer me!

⁸ You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
    “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”