Samuel L. Clemens, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, page 161. “On Saturday, shortly after noon, the boys were at the dead tree again.”
“No,” she said, “Not that boy. He’s the boy from high
school, the one I told you about, the one you never remember.” I smirked, that
wise-ass smirk of mine that I smirk when I think I’ve outsmarted her. “Well
then, it stands to reason that if I can’t ever remember him, then I simply don’t
remember him now or ever.” Truth be told, I knew who he was but I didn’t want
to acknowledge that to her, especially when she told me she was marrying the
boy next Saturday. It was going to be a quiet marriage ceremony in the
Methodist Church on the island. “Oh, Lord have mercy, Shelley, did Mr. No-Name
get you knocked up?” I said, without an ounce of compassion. She looked away
and said, “No, that’s not it at all. We’re in love and we just don’t want to
wait.” Oh, sure. I couldn’t accept the love thing but even less than the love thing,
I couldn’t accept the sex thing. I knew where babies came from and the whole
idea totally grossed me out. The fact that my cousin Shelley had done it—probably
in the back seat of Raymond’s Chev-Ro-Lay—was repulsive. What was she thinking?
I wouldn’t even kiss that pimply-faced geek on the lips, much less do it with
him. Her standards were so low. I knew all about Raymond, even though I refused
to acknowledge that I knew him. He was one of those boys with greasy hair who
wore plaid shirts and pants pulled up too high, one of the group who would hang
out by the dead tree behind the service station, smoking cigarettes and trading
comic books. They were goofy little boys who didn’t even have enough guts to be
real juvenile delinquents. And the thought that my beautiful, talented cousin
Shelley did it with one of those losers and was actually going to marry one of
those losers made me want to barf. Shelley could have been prom queen, she
could have gone to beauty school or been a flight attendant, but instead she
was going to marry that greaseball Raymond? She added, “I’m sorry to tell you
that you can’t be my bridesmaid because there aren’t going to be any
bridesmaids. And you can’t even come to the wedding because only our parents
are coming.” “Okay, Shelley, that’s it!” I replied. “Ever since we looked at
those bridesmaids dresses in the Sears catalog you’ve been promising me I could
be your bridesmaid. Now you’re not only telling me you’re marrying that
creep Raymond but you’re also dropping me as a bridesmaid. This is my only
chance, Shelley. How can you do this to me? And how can you do it to Kookie?
You swore you would marry him and I believed you.” Shelley was the president of
the Edd (Kookie) Byrnes fan club. She even had a photo of him that he
personally signed. And she was going to marry Raymond when she could have had
Kookie? So on Saturday, just before noon, Shelley, wearing her baby blue dress
with the white daisies and a blue bow in her hair, sat in the back seat of
Uncle Frank’s car and rode to the church to marry Raymond. Raymond wasn’t
behind the service station that day, smoking cigarettes and trading comic
books. He was at the church marrying Shelley. But the boys carried on without him. On Saturday, shortly after noon,
the boys were at the dead tree again.
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