Saturday, March 3, 2012

Wardrobe malfunction

Okay, I'm officially and totally fed up with wardrobe malfunctions. What is with that? First it was that person at the Super Bowl. I didn't see it. Then it was that person at the Oscars. I didn't see that either. Maybe there was another Super Bowl malfunction but I didn't pay attention.

In the first 60-some years of my youth I cannot recall a single public wardrobe malfunction of any celebrity. This is a new phenomenon. They are just staging this stupid stuff. Any publicity is better than no publicity at all. If they weren't held together with goo and they weren't already dangerously close to exposing all of their junk then this would not be an issue.

I will admit to several personal wardrobe malfunctions but thankfully I did not get my photo spread all over the Internet. There was that time at Target when I realized I had toilet paper hanging out of the back of my pants. There was that time in my office when my dirty laundry slipped out onto the floor in the reception area. There was that time I wore the lime green sheath dress with the red coat. I looked like a cheap Christmas ornament. I've had my share of humiliation.

I also will admit to innumerable wardrobe malfunctions that are simply attributable to bad fashion sense. Just ask my daughter who periodically purges ugly things from my closet. For example, she made me dispose of two perfectly good pairs of pants. I called them "parachute pants" and she called them "M. C. Hammer pants." She says I have as much style as an adolescent boy. She particularly hates my orthopedic shoes. I like to think I am a bit edgy, artsy bohemian, a cross between Stevie Nicks and Eileen Fisher. I suppose it's a malfunction.

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