Friday, January 27, 2012

Blessed assurance

   . . . let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith. . .” Hebrews 10:22

Tonight I did yoga, then sat quietly on the floor, listening to Gregorian chant and pleading with God to let me feel the peace of His presence. Mike is dying and I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him again. When he goes he will leave behind a big hole in my heart and my life.

I’m so tired of death—in the span of one year my father died and my brother was murdered. And now Mike is slipping away. “What is it you want of me?” I cried to God in desperation. “How do you expect me to hold on to this faith of mine when life hurts so much?”

Then the words just came to me . . . blessed assurance. I have His blessed assurance.

There’s an old Christian hymn called Blessed Assurance, but we never sang that hymn in church when I was growing up—it was much too old-school Protestant for us baby boomer Catholics. But even though I am not that familiar with the old hymn, I love the concept of having blessed assurance. I need to feel God's presence, need to focus on trusting in His goodness, need  to have faith that He is with me through all of these awful trials of life, that His peace is all I need.

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