The search continues, the lessons keep coming, my advanced age
notwithstanding. A gnarly issue has been coming on for a while, but it has come
to a head. The specific issue and person involved are not important to the
story—what is important is that I learn new ways of dealing with common
frustrations.
In a nutshell: I came home last night from an event and I was
steaming angry. There was a person at the event (hereafter referred to as “the
person”) who has been a thorn in my side for a variety of reasons. I could
enumerate the specifics, but that would only be my attempt for validation, to
gain allies. I don’t need allies; I need God to sort it out for me. So I came
home and prayed. But I was still too angry to make real progress.
So this morning, I got up, skipped church, and spent the morning
sitting in my garden reading Scripture, praying, and sitting in silence
listening for God to show me the way.
It’s Father’s Day. I deeply miss my earthly father, but I’m
keeping my heavenly Father busy, relying on Him for fatherly advice. I am still amazed that the same
God who created the universe and raised Jesus from the dead is my Father. It's personal. He is
in me and I am in Him. He guides me with more wisdom than the wisest person I
could ever imagine. So when I get churned up with these petty earthly “people”
issues, I only need to look to Him, cling tightly to Him, and push the
pettiness away to focus on Him. The distractions are just Satan’s attempts to
distract me. “Don’t go down that road,” I tell myself over and over again. Don’t
go down that road paved with self-centered pride. Don’t get caught up in envy,
don’t make comparisons, don’t get churned up about the things of this world
that aren’t important. Focus on what is good, look to Him, not to appear more
spiritual or more holy in the eyes of others, but to do what is good and true
between the Lord and me.
My knee-jerk reaction is to tell someone about the person’s
behavior, to get allies, to do something in retribution. This is the way
I have usually behaved. But after so many years, I’m beginning to realize it is
not a productive reaction. I’m not making a big drama out of it as I usually would. But what I am doing is bringing it to Him, my Father. I’m
putting it at the foot of the cross and leaving it for Him to fix the situation
or to fix me. In this process I skip over the middle man/woman and take it straight
to the top.
So on this beautiful morning I read Scripture (the Song of
Solomon for some strange reason) and spent a lot of time just sitting on my
patio, sipping coffee, and listening for fatherly advice. The phrase came to
me: “Move this person to the side. Come to me.” I knew that I needed to keep my
focus on communion with the Lord and not let anything or anyone come between
us, not steal one second of my time with Him. I move the junk out of the way
and make room in my life for a much deeper, much more meaningful relationship
with the Lord. And when there is room, when the jar is empty of rancor and
pettiness, then there is space for God to work miracles.
Thank you, Lord, thank you. You are so incredibly real to me, so
present. My prayer has been answered, not on a specific “solve this problem”
level, but on a much deeper level that reminds me where to focus. That is a
priceless lesson and it brings me such peace.
